Sometimes we don't get to choose our changes. And 6 months ago, I would tell you that I'd rather not teach AP Physics this year. It's too scary. And I'd tell you that my goal for the summer would be to just focus on my Physical World class so I could feel like a slightly better teacher.
Now, somehow, a whole term of school has ellapsed. That's one term of AP Physics and a full term without my physics unofficial mentor to tell me what comes next, how to present an idea, or where lab supplies are (though he's kindly responded to a few early morning "Where's this?" texts).
Life update:
I'm tired of meetings. I'm sick of paperwork. I haven't the foggiest idea yet how I'll phrase my SLO or get baseline data. I haven't considered by PPG. Furthermore, I've barely started my PDP and need to work on my department SMART goal. I also should examine ELOs to help my EE readiness. And fully realize that I'll need to complete all these things at some point soon because the government says so. I promise I get all that junk and how far behind I am. Count yourself lucky if the alphabet soup sounds foreign.
BUT...
I know my students.
I started a "Question of the Day" last year and felt a little silly about it. Basically, I take attendance by asking each student to respond to a question. Sometimes, they have to pick which they'd rather ride to school (options:unicycle, dinosaur, giraffe, or piggy-back on a zombie), describe their weekend in less than 5 words, or they might have to tell me whether or not they think bullying is a problem at our school and why. Some people pass, and that's okay (the questions can be ridiculous), but I get to hear every single student's voice before even 5 minutes have elapsed every class period. I learn their hobbies, stresses, daily mood, and get a feel for their sense of humor. It's been really helpful in building relationships with the students who are less likely to participate in class discussions or strike up conversations in the lunch line. Maybe it's technically a waste of valuable class time, but I personally gain a tremendous amount from those five minutes three periods a day.
I know my content.
AP is still a stretch, but in Physics I feel like I really know what I'm doing. I know which lessons are coming up and a variety of ways to explain the concepts. I have memorized every useful equation and the products of 9.8 and every integer under 9. My mental math is picking up, and I can whip up practice problems on my own. Feeling smarter is pretty grand.
I LOVE my job.
I was clearly taught that it's bad idea to use sarcasm in the classroom, but my students are fluent in it. It seems silly to ignore a common tongue as long as there is mutual respect. So, my students know that there is a pretty high level of mocking that they can throw my way, and we can also generally use humor to defuse a situation. They are also able to repeat to their peers as needed, "We only use nice words," and "There's no fighting in physics"...this is sometimes extended to no boxing, katanas, climbing...etc. I'm lucky. Serious issues are rare and easily resolved with one on one conversation. So, we get to have fun.
And I know I have a crazy way to go. The greatest frustration I have is realizing repeatedly that I'm not the best I can be yet. I don't know enough. My differentiation skills are lacking. My answer keys have flaws or are less than ideally organized, I am not sure what the homework will be in two weeks, I haven't integrated inquiry methods into my plans and ... I don't have my DPI mandated paperwork done. And a lot of the time the whole weight just feels like it's about to crush me. I'm not the strongest physics teacher these students could have, and that feels completely awful.
But I'm getting there, and I truly know that I'm in the right profession for me.
Yesterday, another teacher told me that a student said, while discussing my class, "She's a fantastic teacher." That's a big part of what should matter. If great student thinks I'm a great teacher, I'll wear it like a badge of honor and do everything I can to deserve it.
