Climbing the Learning Curve

Facts: Teaching is hard, and tiring, and one of the most rewarding professions there is. Also, I'm a noob.

I sometimes wonder if the other teachers notice how many trips I take to the copier, or that I miss opportunities to monitor the hallway outside my door because I'm scrambling to get things ready for class, or that when they seek me out with questions after 9th hour, I look as warn out as if I'd been trying to juggle flaming chainsaws all day. But, I hope that if/when they do, they also remember their first few weeks and kind of understand.

Fact: Post-its, paperclips, and expandable folders changed my life.

As a hoarder in training with post-depression-esk views of conserving resources, I've always been rather anti Post-it. It seemed wasteful to write short notes on sticky paper one must pay for rather than scribbling words onto the backs of envelopes or other nearby papers. When in doubt, I just tried to remember everything. As it turns out, I can't remember everything. I forget which grades haven't been entered, which assignments are grouped together, and found myself spending far too much time trying to keep track of work sheets, reviews, quizzes, and tests. So, I'm a Post-it, paperclip, folder convert. My desks (I get to use two) are still frequently messy, but I haven't had the sinking "What did I do with that!??" feeling for at LEAST 5 days. For me, that's huge.

Fact: Variety is the spice of life, but routines make it livable.

 I am not a morning person, so I've made the daily preparation process as fool proof as possible. I bake several weeks/months worth of individual meals ahead of time resulting in stacks of muffin tin meat loafs, 1 cup beef stews bowls, and frozen cups of shredded chicken topped with black beans. With my lunches set, my important morning steps go like this:

1. Put 1/4th cup of oatmeal and water in microwave and set timer to 2 min. Apply make-up and twist back hair while cooking.
2. Add to oatmeal Splenda, cinnamon, two spoons of apple sauce, and an ice cube (some days I sub a tablespoon of cocoa powder in for the apple sauce to make the day seem less scary).
3. While ice cube melts, wash yesterday's Tupperware, and add 4 carrots snapped in half. Remove portion of meat from fridge.
4. Eat, change, and "go confidently in the direction of your dreams"

Fact: I'm miles from polished at this career.

I'm so green I should be singing a duet with Kermit, but I'm gradually getting there. I'm building connections and despite nail biting moments when I pray no other staff member walks into the chaos that's filling my classroom, I'm making a difference.

 I get to spend all day with so many unique and hilarious individuals. At an orchestra concert the other night, I found myself scanning the crowd of parents and realizing that they don't get to see their children like I do.
They don't get to see their son turn the other cheek to immature insults or watch their daughter build up a student with special needs. And, I'm not sure I can walk into school everyday remembering how much of my life was shaped by the moments, friendships, and decisions made in school. It's a lot to live up to. But, it's powerful and true... and now I get to watch and help. When you think about it, it's pretty cool. It's hard, and tiring, and one of the most rewarding jobs there is. And, I get to do it :)

It's Me, Not Mrs. P

I am two weeks into my six week long term sub job.
I'm glad I didn't write a post Wednesday night. It was a low point. Not a, "Man, I'm tired today," or "I wish that lesson had gone better," kind of low. It was the sucky, "I'm a failure, all my students are failing because of it, and they will always hate me", kind of evening. (Have I mentioned that dramatic pessimism is one of my strong suits?)

And here's the problem (or, at least one of them), these students are accustomed to an amazing, out of this world, always on top of her game teacher. I've been reminded many times. Mrs. P doesn't have to spend a moment to find papers. Mrs. P lets best friends sit together and allows talking throughout study-hall. Mrs. P doesn't give Friday homework. Mrs. P explains things better. Mrs. P is the kind of teacher I aspire to be...  and I don't mean to make excuses, but Mrs. P also has been teaching for more than four months.

I'm getting better though (gradually). We've done a lot of reteaching since Wednesday night. During each subsequent prep, study hall, and afternoon, I've met one-on-one with students to gradually build success, retake assessments, and make up late work. Every little success now feels like cause for celebration. And, even if you don't want to read them, I'm going to list them. Because today is not Wednesday night. Tonight I get to be a little proud.

Thursday, a student hugged me in the hallway for no reason. Three students had "aha" moments during our morning meeting and aced their retake. Thirteen students spent lunch in my room making up work without reminders. My mega differentiated lesson worked! I started each class with a deceivingly confident "game face". 

Today, a student told me that he liked having me as a teacher. In three different classes, students started taking up the role of asking their peers to stop talking and pay attention. A student from my morning math intervention group shot his hand up in class to solve a fraction division problem. I totally changed my atmospheric layers plan in two minutes because of technical problems, and it worked better than the intended lesson. My science kids rocked their informal assessment. We laughed through writing, learned about Djibouti's Lake Assal, countered sexist assumptions, and  bonded over Men at Work lyrics. I spent our assembly relaxing and cheering with a student who frequently is hostile in my room. As many of my students walked past my room on their way out of the building, they smiled and wished me a good weekend. Today, that's all it took. 

So, if I'm turning down every social invitation you send my way, please know that it isn't because I don't want to join you. It's because I'm trying, in spite of my buckets of flaws, to get one step closer to the excellence of Mrs. P. These kids are AMAZING and deserve to finish their middle school career with all the support and help I can muster. They deserve my 110%.